Channeling Miss Manners at your work related retreat

Professional Development conferences/retreats are a vital part of any professional's work commitment. In my field, our retreat is a rite of passage for incoming and outgoing reproductive endocrinology and infertility fellows. For first year fellows it is the first time since the interview season that we are reunited with our ”interview” buddies, and for third year fellows it is the “calm before the storm” as we pursue job options.

The retreat is 5 days long, during which we are given excellent career advice and a tremendous opportunity for networking between each other and faculty – probably one of the most important elements of any professional development retreat, regardless of the profession.  Needless to say retreats are exceedingly valuable and I am grateful that I have had the fortune of attending them.

On a lighter note, though, retreats always seem to have their share of social etiquette miscues, and I wonder if Miss Manners (my mom always invoked her when I was growing up) has a guide for how to navigate them. On one hand it is nice to be able to be blindsided by such blissful, “awkward” moments to learn from, yet it would be nice to be aware of situations so one can follow appropriate etiquette.

Hit the jump for some potential awkward moments that can happen at any professional development conference and tips on how to respond. Also your feedback would be quite valuable.

1.     THE “ON YOUR OWN DINNER”

Usually meals are provided during the day at retreats, but attendees are often left “on their own” for dinner – which provides a great opportunity to network. On the scale of awkward moments (Ams), though, the “on your own"dinner wields tremendous potential. While most people in a conference environment are familiar with big cities like Chicago, San Diego or Las Vegas, retreating to smaller places like the resorts in the south west or mountains can be a bit disorienting to novices. The hotels are isolated, transportation is limited and so are the places to eat.  

Ultimately, organizing a dinner spontaneously in a community you know little (no matter where it is) about has pitfalls, so plan in advance – but plan the major things carefully.

Let's go step by step:

a)     Agreeing on a time to meet and where…pretty basic but usually the common places make the most sense, just remember that others at your conference/retreat are probably thinking the same thing and before you know it, your party of five can become a party of 15 .

b)     Now that you have solidified your group, where are you going to eat? the fancy place that serves $15 ceviche appetizers but requires a car and then a 15 minute hike to get to (but has a killer view) or the Burger joint around the corner that has $5 tacos and a self serve soda fountain with limited seating.  Few people tend to take a hard line when interacting with casual acquaintances because no one wants to be difficult but occasionally you will encounter the few who just want to break off and do their own thing…nothing wrong with that if everyone understands the golden rule: “majority rules.”

c)     Splitting the check…probably the sine qua non when it comes to conference gatherings. Speak to your waiter/waitress about it before order…but also talk to the group once everyone is seated before everyone starts ordering. If you are going split it 15 ways let the staff know up front. You do not want to be in a position after dinner when the server explains that they don’t split checks for large parties – weird but has happened, especially in shi-shi restraurants!

d)     After dinner outing – make sure there is a bail out plan for those who do not want to partake. (I know everyone is an adult and they should be able to take of themselves...) If there is reliable transportation (i.e a phone number for the 24 hr taxi service) this is probably good enough. Just remember you all work together, so you should look out for each other.

2.     WHEN SHOULD I OFFICIALLY SAY “GOODBYE”

The official goodbyes are done as everyone leaves the hotel for the airport. Do you need to reorganize the retreat at the Terminal D Cinnabon in order to say another goodbye? Or perhaps walk with them to their gate and sit with them until one of you has to leave? If you are meeting with friends to chat, fine, that is different. Point is, once you do a "goodbye" (+/- hug) you do not need to repeat the sequence at the airport food court, unless of course your relationship with the individual(s) lends itself to it again. 

3.     “DID YOU SEE HOW MANY BEERS ‘SO-AND-SO’ SHOTGUNNED LAST NIGHT?”

      Know your limits. People say some regrettable stuff when they start drinking and are away from their home base. Know who the folks around you are and where they are from. If you attend a large (>1000 people) conference/retreat the likelihood of this happening is less than if you attend a smaller one (<100 people), but still be aware – don’t be an idiot. Know who is who because you don’t want to be caught saying something that you will regret later! Furthermore, be careful if speaking "negatively" about your company and/or those you work with. You want to do it with trusted individuals in private, fine - everyone needs to vent, etc, but be weary of who else might be in earshot (or sitting right next to you) if you are in public. 

Ultimately, professional development is critical and it is important to stay involved and give back. Networking is critical and while “awkward” moments make the world go round, by recognizing good social etiquette you can help enhance the experience for all. Thanks for the motivation Miss Manners.