Lost in translation: What the presenter's response really means at Grand Rounds

In the heat of an election we are constantly bombarded with "spin." But "spin" along with "evasion" are everywhere and anyone who has been to a scientific meeting, a grand rounds, or just a simple town hall Q&A has probably witnessed such tactics at play between presenter and audience. We are so accustomed to it though that we don't really think twice because we have learned to translate certain responses. In sports, for example, the post game press conference is where a player or coach serves up certain cliches for the media. New England Patriots Head Coach, Bill Belichick is notorious for this.

I was recently inspired by a sports talk show segment and a conversation I had with some peers about what is really meant by certain presenter responses. Sometimes people try to evade questions when they don't know or want to hide something. Thats fine. We have all done it too and for a variety of reasons: don't know answer, don't want to disclose specific information, protect 3rd parties, etc.

As a result, I have decided to translate such presenter responses from my experience as both audience member and presenter. This is meant purely for entertainment purposes. Note: 

Most of these are actual responses and some are actual TYPES of responses. Also the "TRANSLATIONS" are from the presenter's perspective

Onward after the jump

"We have collected that data but the results are too preliminary to discuss." When it comes to protecting one's own scientific pursuits, sometimes secrecy is necessary.

TRANSLATION: I recognize that you are interested in the same area of research and may be actually doing similar work, so as a precaution, I'm gonna publish the data first before I tell you anything.

The 'let me answer the question' without actually answering the question"
A long form attempt to answer a question that one has no idea about. Depending on the venue and the topic, the questioner rarely pushes for an actual answer. Its like it has become etiquette to ask a question and expect to not get an answer...depressing!

TRANSLATION: Oh man, I don't know the answer to this one, let me just repeat some of the limitations of our study and throw in a couple of buzzwords like "as I mentioned earlier" so maybe they'll think I already addressed the question. Frankly, I am guessing half of the audience was actually paying attention to my talk and half of those folks actually heard the question so there are actually fewer people who will pay attention to my response... 

"ummm can you repeat the question" this only applies if the question was mumbled from the back corner by the person who felt the need NOT to use the microphone and just randomly throw out a "gotcha" type question...

TRANSLATION: I have not a CLUE what you just asked, in fact I am pretty sure no one else in the audience did either, so for the sake of humiliating yourself (and buying myself time to synthesize a response) I am asking you to repeat the question one more time...oh yeah, I probably won't be able to answer it either!

"excellent question, we will definitely look into that." If you have never heard this response you have never paid attention to a presentation. This one is simple. 

TRANSLATION: You just asked something that sounded REALLY smart and I am not going to even venture a reply because it flew over my head and back, but since it sounds so SMART I added the word "definitely" because we probably NEED TO look into that...

"that is a great question and we are currently looking at that but don't have data yet" So this reply is related to the one above but is a bit more legitimate in that it can be gratifying for the presenter because it kind of confirms that they are on the right track! 

TRANSLATION: We actually did think of doing [whatever the question deals with], but we were so caught up in trying to finalize the work for this meeting that we just couldn't get our stuff together. No one is helping me with this project...so I have to run all the experiments myself. I will get it all done and you can read about it later...when I publish this work!

"[blah blah blah] does that answer your question" This is a very courteous thing to end a response to and usually plays well. 

TRANSLATION: You had to whip out the 2-3 part question on me so I am trying to do my best to answer. I barely remember the 2nd question, let alone the 3rd because I am still answering the 1st one...I am just hoping that you found my response to the first question sufficient and we can just move on. Also by ending it with the ‘does that answer your question’ I am hoping I won a few brownie points and that you will leave me alone out of pity.

"Thanks, but our study was not designed/powered to answer that particular question" This one is a show stopper. If someone's question is getting WAY off topic throwing this reply out there and yielding to the next question basically moves things along. Sometimes the presenter feels the need to try and comment on the particular audience member's question but do so at your own risk!

TRANSLATION: For the 500th time, you brought that question up as a reviewer, you brought it up at the local scientific meeting...what you are asking HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH THIS PARTICULAR STUDY. IN FACT IT IS UNRELATED TO OUR WORK, not to mention that it would take 5 years and an R level award to execute what you are asking! I recognize that you want to provide new ideas for a follow up project BUT I don't have the resources to carry this out at this moment - nor anytime in the near future! 

"I think the literature 'on that' is unclear." The study of science and medicine can produce a lot of conflicting studies so when in doubt, this response always kills. Many topics are conflicting in literature. After an exhausting 24 hours of call as a resident, sometimes this is your last resort when the barrage of questioning from your superiors seems endless. 

TRANSLATION: I've been up the last 24 hours straight, dealing with multiple emergencies and obviously have not had time to read on this particular area, I don't know the answer, but this makes it sound like I've done a critical review. Bonus points for adding "...many of the studies also have methodological flaws that make them hard to interpret")

The "NO-question-just-a-comment" comment This one comes from the audience, and often deserves a response but audience members are getting better at prefacing the statement with whether or they want YOUR opinion on their statement. Most of the time these are appropriate, but sometimes they boil down to grandstanding/shock-jockery by the audience member in which case...

TRANSLATION: I just want to point out something that might get me some attention! Afterall, we all know that there are some who talk for simply, the sake of talking…

"I'm glad you asked that question." This usually precedes some controversial area regarding the topic/presentation at hand. Sometimes it is met with a grin because it is a planted question or sometimes it is simply a "softball" for the presenter to tee off on. Of note, adding "so" before "glad" means the presenter is going to hit a home run with this question.

TRANSLATION: I am so glad I asked so-and-so to plant that question. Thank GOD he beat [annoying-question-asker guy] to the microphone. I am smiling mainly because of that. My response will take up to 10 minutes and they will have no more time for further questions. Also I am prepared to respond to this question so I will look even better! WINNING! 

"great questions, let's talk offline about that" Usually comes as the Q&A is winding down. Also a means of shortening a highly complex answer.

TRANSLATION: Your question(s) is so ridiculously complex and specific to your interest that I am going to spare the audience the boredom of that discussion and save it for a one-on-one meeting

"If you are interested in that data, I can show you afterwards/I will email it to you." A personal favorite. Why would the audience be interested in supplemental reading? Shouldn't the presenter provide them with the material in their talk?

TRANSLATION: I know you aren't coming to talk to me after my presentation, but by citing a couple of papers I can add some credibility to my explanation.